Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
