I hope mine doesn't look like that
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Randomize
