Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
