return my video game
3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
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