I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
my poor anus
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
