so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
