I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
You're earring is so big in my mouth
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
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