your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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