my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Randomize
