How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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