Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I just want nice things and good sex
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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