he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Randomize
