Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I skipped work to stalk him.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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