I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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