I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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