I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
This is my gift to your gina
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
