But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Randomize
