I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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