Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
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