I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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