mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize