Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize