im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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