I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
