how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
