Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
