i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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