We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize