apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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