true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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