Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
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