don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
