I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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