I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
