Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
