Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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