Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
