Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Randomize
