Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Randomize
