I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
they're like a gay fantastic four
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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