Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
