I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Randomize
