I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
do herpes really smell.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
