There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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