I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Slut skills are useful in every country.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Randomize
