WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
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