I just made out with a guy for $7.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
