I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize