In the future we'll all be gay
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Randomize
