also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
