Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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