it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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