Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
