i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Did you read the article making fun of the right wing extremists? How they organized this 'tea party', and to propagate it they would mail teabags to their senators? And it became a verb...they had posters saying 'teabag obama!' yeah...
A message to Mrs Obama perhaps?
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
