Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
