So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
just come out here and I will go home with you...
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Randomize
