I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
