and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
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