yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
