I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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