Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
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