Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Randomize
