So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Randomize
