I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
