i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
My hand turned me down
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize