Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
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