Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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