if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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