i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
