My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
