If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
