when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
