If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
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