Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
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