i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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