I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I love you. Go after that dick
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Randomize