Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
You ruined the universe
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
