And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
why do cheetos always look like penises
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
