I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
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