dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
