he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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