don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
