Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
