She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
