I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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