Just cropdusted the office
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize