Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
