Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
