i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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