i barfeds in our rink
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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