ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
