im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
I think I just sharted jello shots
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