the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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