Cold hands, warm shart.
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
