Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
