My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
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