Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
