Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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