Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
