Apparently you make a good broom.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
