can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
