He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
