I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
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