Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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