One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
