i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
