That's when you crack a 10am beer
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
