I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I can tuck mytits in my pants
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
