Your mouth is God's brothel.
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
