worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
You ruined the universe
Randomize
