so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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