$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Randomize
