He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
