I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
