My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
