i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
