Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
