oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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